Masquerade.

21 Apr

Lila’s birthday party is today. It is the day after we got Elliott’s CGH results back and final diagnoses were shelled out. Even though I am absolutely dreading the thought of having a party, I know the show must go on. I refuse to be less of a mother to Lila than I am to Elliott. And trust me, you don’t have to tell me that I could have canceled it and Lila would have been fine, etc. Sometimes we can’t help how we feel and it is better to just give ourselves the freedom to experience the feeling. And for me, canceling that party would have meant that Lila was suffering and she didn’t deserve that. She is amazing.

We all know I am not a very religious person but I have a new understanding for things. I look at Lila and think to myself there has to be a reason that she is this phenomenal big sister. Don’t get me wrong, she’s had not-so-nice moments, including er…..a little smack or two when she was angry. But, she genuinely takes care of Elliott even when we aren’t looking and has from day one. So the show must go on. Because she deserves it. Sometimes typically developing kiddos have special needs to and I never want to forget that.

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